Self-employment Week: 76
You’re not crazy for thinking that something just isn’t making sense in the world.
If you’re going to chart your own path in life, you need to trust. Trust in the process & trust in yourself.
A part of trusting yourself is knowing that you’re not crazy.
Because sometimes you’ll seriously ask yourself if you’re insane.
And that doubt comes from seeing things that others don’t.
It comes from not being okay with things most are.
It comes from not wanting things that most do.
It comes from settling for things most won’t.
That will make you feel all sorts of things. Confused, frustrated, alone & very often, insane.
“Why do I want to go home at a reasonable time when my colleagues seem to not mind staying late every day?”
“Why do I want to work from home so bad when so many others are gladly going into office?”
“Why do I not care about working for this huge corporation when my friends are trying super hard to get into it?”
“Why do I spend so much time-consuming content on X when my partner is enjoying cat reels?”
“Why do I not get jealous when my mom tells me my cousin is heading to the US for her masters?”
Am I lazy? Or am I crazy?
A time I felt this way was during my first job at Goldman Sachs.
Now I didn’t think it was crazy for me to not like my own job, I felt that was pretty normal(lol).
Feeling crazy came when I would look at what I was supposed to aspire to. My manager’s job & his manager’s job. And I thought the way they were spending their time was honestly kind of dumb.
I didn’t aspire to it even when everyone in my cohort did.
So my first thought was not to think that there was genuinely something wrong with the way these jobs worked.
No, my first thought was to think that there was something wrong with me.
Because these jobs are institutional. People have been doing it for generations. It was Goldman Freakin Sachs. Who was I to think something didn’t make sense in GOLDMAN SACHS?
A crazy person, that’s who.
So, during my exit interview, I laid it all in front of my manager. Within closed doors. (obviously not the part where I thought his job & his manager’s job were dumb, but other stuff that didn’t make sense)
I had nothing to lose to show him my crazy.
And within closed doors, he heard me & said I was probably smarter than most people on this floor because I see these things. These things that don’t make sense. I see them & I think about them.
I wasn’t crazy. I was just honest.
The default path doesn’t make sense. If you’re in it right now, a lot of things won’t make sense.
That’s real. That’s the most real thing ever.
And when you identify these things, take it as a sign. A sign that you’re moving towards a more honest life.
You might be alone on the journey towards that life.
But there isn’t strength in numbers in this scenario.
There’s strength in the truth.
Just because you might be the ONLY one who thinks something doesn’t make sense, doesn’t make it any less true.
The numbers may or may never follow.
But you won’t care later on.
I definitely don’t anymore.
So the next time, something that ‘you’re supposed to do’ doesn't seem to be making sense, it’s probably cause it doesn’t make sense.
Believe it.