Self-Employment Tracker
Self-employment Week: 64
5 mins after I got laid off last year, I called up my best friend to inform her that I would no longer be able to make it to our trip to the Maldives for her birthday in 2 weeks.1
A trip that would cost 2 months of a salary that I was no longer receiving.
After she completely supported my decision, we continued to chat about what had just happened.
“I’m so scared to tell my parents, they already thought it was a bad decision to work for an influencer(lol)”
To which she said “Why do you have to tell your parents? How would they know?”
“Idk, maybe because I live with them in a 3-bedroom apartment?”
“But how would they actually know?”
See, my best friend had been working for herself for over a year at this point.
And she knew that telling my parents would only accomplish 1 thing. Transfer their fears into my head which would only lead to 1 thing. Me getting another job.
While it wasn’t ideal to lie to them every day saying that work was going well, pretending that I received my salary, and sneak my work laptop out of my house & to my boyfriend’s in order to ship it back to my employer.
But I did it anyway to buy myself a few months to begin freelancing.
I did what I had to do.
And it’s a mantra I have repeated to myself dozens of times in the past year since.
Do what you have to do. Do WHATEVER you have to do.
There is no certainity in this. Not if you’re designing work to exist with a life that is so unique to yourself.
But there are also no rules.
If you’re not on the default path, then your journey won’t look exactly the same as anyone elses.
So, you don’t need to waste time pondering, ‘What would X do, would Y do the same thing?”
It doesn’t matter. Do what you would do.
If I need to go to a cafe many times a week just to feel like I’m still a part of society
If I need to buy a few notabley public things here & there just to let my parents know that I’m doing okay financially
If I need to join a dating app to make friends
If I need to say no to new work & a lot of money that my partner & I could really benefit from
If I need to apply for a visa with my partner as a dependent
I do it.
Because all that stuff doesn’t matter. Those are all the small stuff. The big stuff is survival.
It’s mental, physical & financial survival of being able to work for myself.
Within a life of uncertainty, there is a life of complete personal agency as well.
The only person you need to answer to is yourself. If you believe you need to do something in the pursuit of continuing to be on this path, you do it.
You’re not answerable to anyone, remember?
I did end up going on that Maldives trip, 2 weeks after getting laid off. I bet on myself.